Hold me now, im six feet from the edge and im thinking, maybe six feet ain't so far down...

OH :( isnt' that so sad? Its a really nice song but man its depressing.
let me just take this line to say: I AM EMO FREE
Its Creed- if you wouldl ike to know.
It is christmas.
yesterday me and mum went to para to get my hair done for the formal, and its christmas shopping season, gaudy decorations everywhere and stupid jazzed up versions of christmas carols playing the backgroundw hile the chinese lady pharmasist in a red christmas t-shirt chargeses us $115 worhth of prescription drugs for my family and then there are stupid singing christmas simpson figurines for sale and red and green and tinsel everywhere and santa santa santa.
Do i sound angry and angsty? Haha im not really. it jus made me think about my 16th christmas.
Does the lady ion the CD singing the verses of Hark the Herald think about the words she sings while adding funky timing and trilly notes? "Glory to the new born king- God and sinners reconciled- Christ is born"
On the bus home- Jemima and friends were singing songs, and started off with christmas carols. Did they flinch when they said "Christ" "God" or "sin" and stuff? because i know a lot of them were...well, anti christian.
I dont really nkow where im going with this. Christmas sint bad, neither is singing christmas carols everywhere. Nore is buying presents, nor is buying drugs.
Everywhting is just so shallow. Its never really occured to me before, but those words really jumoed out at me when people said them: Christ, God, Sin.
Am i just getting really touchy for now reason? I never really held christmas in such high reguard anyway. Everyone makes such a big deal out of it, and right now christmas only means trying not to panic over lots of money spending because we don't have as much as we used to.
Christmas is never as important as Easter anyway.
Maybe ive just been wondering how people not so much Slander God's name in any context, but just how they say it without thinking about it or what the words mean- just a part of culture and tradition and superstition. Shouldn't it mean something so much more?
Yea- christmas has been giong on since forever. The decorations aren't even christian anyway so we can do without the gaudiness. So much of it has strayed from the true intentions that people wrote christmas carols.
am i angry at something? not really. Not at the world or people. just pondering.
I also ponder about jokes. so many of us are afraid of saying a joke or a comment that revolves around christianity because it might offend someone or they might be struck down. by me.
To be honest i DO turn into scary christian mode when someone at school mentions God or jesus or something. Its becuase i feel uncomfortable. To be honest, i do- its hard to laugh at a joke which would be trully funny and witty when you're uncomfortable.
My family cracks christian jokes all the time at home and i feel comfortable there because everyone knows your joking, they know how to react and blah blah blah.
Heh- it reminds me of when my dad told us when he was in a lecture in his theology college becayse he's studying to become a minister. before every lecture they pray, so all teh students closed their eyes, waiting for the lecturer to begin... and he begins:
"G'day Mate!"
And all the theological students are like ._. and half open their eyes and mumble to each other like: "Man...he's pretty familiar with God if he greets him like that at the beginning of every prayer..."
But it was only becasue while they had thies eyes closed a latecomer had come in and the lecturer was talking to him.

Well, i thought it was funny.
that wasnt really a joke.
There are better ones out there. I promise you.

But why am i uncomfortable? It has everything to do with i suppose peoples expectations of Christians and i just feel so much attention or pressure onme to do the right thing. Moments like these when christianity topics come up are crucial for whitnessing and evagelising we are told, and i guess we just freeze, trying to make the most of it, and end up thowing the oppertunity out teh window because of this attitude that just glazes over our eyes. its a poo.
Please, don't be afraid to be free and say something when you think it. i pun or a joke or SOMETHING- even if its just saying that Lord ofthe Rings reads like a bible. I don't get offended. Its so important that we are totally honest about how we think nd feel about something, and not hold it in for the reason that you don't want to offend someone or make them turn scary and serious on you.
Wait, not offending someone is good- but not in situations like this. I WONT get OFFENDED. I never Do- i think thinking that i will would just make my situation worse, because i can see when people think that im giong to turn into scary mode...and then it sort of ends up turning onthe scary mode because i feel uncomfortable because you no longer feel comfortable with me because what imight say or that i might be offended because of expectations of christians and things. D8< <- hehehehhe
Its a vicious cycle. Its better to express a conflicting point of view if you have one than just letit fester becyase of Tabby's scary serious face...i donth ave an emote for that just yet. (8